I am not that comfortable around little children.I am quite afraid that i would drop them if i did carry them .I have never been around growing kids,being the youngest of the flock most of the time and when the stork finally dropped several little ones in the eager laps of my uncles,aunties cousins and friends i was miles away .
So this trip to Kannur was special in that way.I love going to my family home,its got less furniture,wide open spaces and lots of memories that i love to soak up on.This time however i had to comprehend with the reality of my home becoming a play school.
It all happened when my grandfather died.The house grew empty and we needed someone to take care of our treasured house.We have had numerous tenants who weren't nice and we finally wound up with a person who wanted to make it a playschool.So the fresh white walls got their splashes of colours and toys lined the house which echoed with the yells of eager excited children.
I used to visit the playschool mainly to check my email and play a few games on Facebook.Soon the kids started involving me in their games and before i knew it there were kids all around me.Some would find it amusing to run to me and taunt me to chase them,others realised that i could push the swing fast enough for them,some just wanted to show off their pretty chains and toys and some even wanted a punching bag.Its not really fun when you have toddlers who don't really your waist, attempt to punch you.There is nothing but your delicates that are at arms length from them and having taken a head butt that would have made Zidane proud and a kick to the crotch , i started adopting evasive action every time i was around them.
Among all these 30 odd kids there was another little fellow too,his name was Diam Kanz and affectionately he was called kachu.Now this was a strange kid,he didn't play too much,hated the play school but loved to stand close to any guy who was willing to let him.Any teacher approaches and he bawls his heart out sending pearl shaped teardrops all about the floor.So he would stand by me looking over my shoulder as i surfed the net and i in turn would teach him all the animals i raised in Farmville and Fishville (No i didnt teach him Mafia wars).
Things were great,I had a little kid who would hop on my lap when i get to the house and refuse to leave my side at any time.Then came the time when he had to be fed and the minute the teachers approached him the bawling started.Things began to take a nose dive when suddenly he looks up at me with his eyes laden with tears and whispers "Uncle Can you feed me ?"
I have never feed anybody,of course i have sometimes hand fed a morsel or two..but that was to a grown up and usually it was on a spoon that i shoved down the other person's mouth or it was a romantic date.But who can refuse a teary eyed kid.So i got his lunch box,his little sippy cup and sat on one the little benches the kids had and i fed him.He would munch happily on a mouthful and then play a while while i coax him to take in another morsel and then play a while ; you get the picture.I took half an hour to feed him two chappathies.
My mom loved this sight.I could see her dial everybody on the phone to give the good news.And for good reason it was the first time i have done something like that for a 3 year old and she was excited.If she had her camera in hand by now half the people I know would have pictures of me feeding the kid.She kept saying i should have 4 kids and i should have to do all this but i am pretty sure my better half wouldn't really appreciate that :).Eventually i fed the kid his lunch and his evening snacks too.
Days after that there was a new joinee and while the parents talked finances and logistics,the lil baby girl was shoved into my arms.Having not held a kid ever i was guided by the staff and my mom.The lil girl did not show any discomfort and i ended up with a sprained shoulder after holding her in the wrong angle but it was worth it again.I had a little kid sit on my should like a little angel and stare at me with her huge eyes while gripping my shoulder as hard as she could.
So I guess it really is not that scary a deal having a kid around.Of course i still don't touch babies but i have learned to appreciate them a little more and get closer with them than i used to.I think we all have our biological clocks ticking in some weird way or the other.I don't dig the "awwwwwww so cute" sentiment but when a kid looks up to you,its something else.There's the dad in me thats reaching out to that kid and that's an instinctive urge that i am learning to fight lesser and lesser as the days go by.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Friday, October 30, 2009
And the lump got larger
Its difficult when past and present collide.There I was at the rusted dirty gate,the only thing separating me from what i am and what i was.Everything i needed was on the other side but reaching there would be like opening a hornets nest of memories,each sting evoking pangs of nostalgia bitter sweet.I hesitated at the gate and then willed myself to get it over with as fast as possible.
But like everything else in SCT College,even the simple letter of recommendation i needed was to take time.As always nothing was where it was supposed to be,the lecturers lost in a sea of students that thronged the halls and paths that made the College.So i ventured on initially avoiding spots that contained the many memories but i found myself pausing every now and then, relishing all the memories as they came like the fresh monsoon rain,first in patters and then in torrents.The last classroom i sat in,the canteen i used to sit in,the workshop drawing hall that i spent hours in,chatting with friends or studying for exams,the dirty unused water cooler,the dirty shabby classrooms and the fading posters and motto's stuck on the walls.
There were places i sat with her,places i sat with them,places i sat alone,places i sat in the midst of others still feeling alone.The college was a minefield of old memories.
Quite aptly the day i chose to enter the college was the day the attendances for the students got published.Watching the students beg and plead for increases in attendance,the calculations of duty leaves and cricket leaves i remembered Kurian and Anand the two blokes who never sat for one hour but got away with more attendance than even the smart girls of our class.Somethings it seems would never change with the years.
I met a few lecturers and talked my heart out with them.Of course they were really interested in the class statistics,who's where,who's with whom,who's what and what not.It was nice to run into them and i was glad that they remembered me.I discovered a new thing as well,nobody would call my batch the 2006 CS batch,they were referring to us as Anand's Batch.The dancing singing class representative seems to have become the benchmark of the class that soon i was introducing myself as a member of Anand's batch.Well at least its one way to be remembered !
I couldn't get past the mirage of images that circled my head.The passages to the computer lab where we stood and prayed before the scary lab exams,the claustrophobic classrooms and the parking lot where we stood and shared many a joke.
A teacher remarked that it was hard to believe 3 years passed and i smiled at her.We are all growing old and far apart.There are classmates i keep in constant touch with,some of them have gone on to become an indelible part of my lifeline,the others have faded into photographs and faint memories.But while i stood there each and every one of them returned,all 65 of them,laughing and smiling everywhere i looked.
There was a lump growing in my throat and i felt like my Adam's apple would explode.As i mumbled my thanks to the teacher who vetted my letter of recommendation, i knew the heaviness in my heart would linger on for at least a day.And then i broke into a run,away from the maddening smug memories and away from it all.
But like everything else in SCT College,even the simple letter of recommendation i needed was to take time.As always nothing was where it was supposed to be,the lecturers lost in a sea of students that thronged the halls and paths that made the College.So i ventured on initially avoiding spots that contained the many memories but i found myself pausing every now and then, relishing all the memories as they came like the fresh monsoon rain,first in patters and then in torrents.The last classroom i sat in,the canteen i used to sit in,the workshop drawing hall that i spent hours in,chatting with friends or studying for exams,the dirty unused water cooler,the dirty shabby classrooms and the fading posters and motto's stuck on the walls.
There were places i sat with her,places i sat with them,places i sat alone,places i sat in the midst of others still feeling alone.The college was a minefield of old memories.
Quite aptly the day i chose to enter the college was the day the attendances for the students got published.Watching the students beg and plead for increases in attendance,the calculations of duty leaves and cricket leaves i remembered Kurian and Anand the two blokes who never sat for one hour but got away with more attendance than even the smart girls of our class.Somethings it seems would never change with the years.
I met a few lecturers and talked my heart out with them.Of course they were really interested in the class statistics,who's where,who's with whom,who's what and what not.It was nice to run into them and i was glad that they remembered me.I discovered a new thing as well,nobody would call my batch the 2006 CS batch,they were referring to us as Anand's Batch.The dancing singing class representative seems to have become the benchmark of the class that soon i was introducing myself as a member of Anand's batch.Well at least its one way to be remembered !
I couldn't get past the mirage of images that circled my head.The passages to the computer lab where we stood and prayed before the scary lab exams,the claustrophobic classrooms and the parking lot where we stood and shared many a joke.
A teacher remarked that it was hard to believe 3 years passed and i smiled at her.We are all growing old and far apart.There are classmates i keep in constant touch with,some of them have gone on to become an indelible part of my lifeline,the others have faded into photographs and faint memories.But while i stood there each and every one of them returned,all 65 of them,laughing and smiling everywhere i looked.
There was a lump growing in my throat and i felt like my Adam's apple would explode.As i mumbled my thanks to the teacher who vetted my letter of recommendation, i knew the heaviness in my heart would linger on for at least a day.And then i broke into a run,away from the maddening smug memories and away from it all.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Diet Tales
Was too hungry to blog further about the diet.So i am keeping it short
Starting Day : 87.5 Kg
Ending Day : 82.5 Kg
Diet constraints were Water,Veggies,Fruits and Protein Rich Supplements.
Helpful ? Well my stomach was clean,thats for sure !
Recommend to others ? Sure why not,its a good thing to try out !
Will i do it again ? Hell Yeah :) I like quickie diets ;)
Starting Day : 87.5 Kg
Ending Day : 82.5 Kg
Diet constraints were Water,Veggies,Fruits and Protein Rich Supplements.
Helpful ? Well my stomach was clean,thats for sure !
Recommend to others ? Sure why not,its a good thing to try out !
Will i do it again ? Hell Yeah :) I like quickie diets ;)
Friday, October 02, 2009
DIET OR DIE : EPISODE 1 : THE FRUITFUL BENEFITS
PARA ONE OF THE FAMED GM DIET : Book of Crash Course Diets
Day One : All fruits except bananas. Your first day will consist of all the fruits you want. It is strongly suggested that you consume lots of melons the first day. Especially watermelon and a lope. If you limit your fruit consumption to melons, your chances of losing three lbs. on first day are very good.
They say that the first step is the toughest but for me it was sweetest and if you know me that's one thing i hate ! But that's getting ahead of my tale.Lets start from the beginning.
My parents brought me fruits and they didn't ration that,not to the least bit.I got Apples oranges watermelon and pineapple.Of these the only one i really like is watermelon.So i had them for breakfast,then for lunch and as snacks in the evening and dinner.My parents had their food on the large dining table while i hid in the bedroom snacking on the fruits in a desperate attempt to prevent myself from witnessing the scrumptious grub they were eating.
Some wise man said when you really want something to happen, the whole universe conspires so that your wish come true.Well same goes for the converse.I didn't want to be reminded about food and instead everything i watched did just that.On Discovery Channel that Anthony Bourdain dude was talking about all the delectable food items in the world.On Two and a half men all the lead characters sit around a dining table eating.In the movies everybody is being served food.At the end of the day I was famished,hungry empty and with a headache.
I went to sleep thinking about Waffles and the English breakfast @ Cafe Terra (a nice lil joint in Bangalore).
In the end I realised that the first day of diet has helped me develop a finer appreciation for all the food items that I normally detest.But I still hate fruits.
I miss my food !! I really do !! Lets hope Veggie day is better for me !
Day One : All fruits except bananas. Your first day will consist of all the fruits you want. It is strongly suggested that you consume lots of melons the first day. Especially watermelon and a lope. If you limit your fruit consumption to melons, your chances of losing three lbs. on first day are very good.
They say that the first step is the toughest but for me it was sweetest and if you know me that's one thing i hate ! But that's getting ahead of my tale.Lets start from the beginning.
My parents brought me fruits and they didn't ration that,not to the least bit.I got Apples oranges watermelon and pineapple.Of these the only one i really like is watermelon.So i had them for breakfast,then for lunch and as snacks in the evening and dinner.My parents had their food on the large dining table while i hid in the bedroom snacking on the fruits in a desperate attempt to prevent myself from witnessing the scrumptious grub they were eating.
Some wise man said when you really want something to happen, the whole universe conspires so that your wish come true.Well same goes for the converse.I didn't want to be reminded about food and instead everything i watched did just that.On Discovery Channel that Anthony Bourdain dude was talking about all the delectable food items in the world.On Two and a half men all the lead characters sit around a dining table eating.In the movies everybody is being served food.At the end of the day I was famished,hungry empty and with a headache.
I went to sleep thinking about Waffles and the English breakfast @ Cafe Terra (a nice lil joint in Bangalore).
In the end I realised that the first day of diet has helped me develop a finer appreciation for all the food items that I normally detest.But I still hate fruits.
I miss my food !! I really do !! Lets hope Veggie day is better for me !
Thursday, October 01, 2009
DIET OR DIE !
I could blame it on my bangalore lifestyle , the fast IT world that caused my diet to go haywire.I could also it on the lack of healthier alternatives during my solo days in Bangalore.But who would i be kidding.87 kilos is really too much to for a 5 6' frame.The weighing machines groan at my weight and the bed creaks when i sit on it.If i grew a beard i could give santa a run for his money.
So i decided to give a attempt a Crash Course Diet.Its colloquially called the GM Diet although it bears no affiliation to the company of that name.Some prefer to call it the cabbage soup diet.The guaranteed weight loss is in the range of 4 to 10 kilos.I know this is unhealthy and unwise to follow and i also know that its gonna be a long long week but i plan to stick with it.Theres nothing like a good start and it would help the exercise regimen i plan to follow if i could make a real headstart.
In the event that you find this post deleted do understand that i fell for the temptation of a fleshy juicy beef sandwich or a tasty feast of maggi noodles or even a bowl of rice.
The amount of saliva dripping out of my mouth confirms that these sort of statements are really detrimental to my mental health.
So i plan to blog my struggle against the flab in incremental updates on my blog.I would have tweeted but then keeping mind off food requires a lot of effort and blogging seems the sane choice.Something to keep me from tearing open the snack packets in kitchen like a rabid dog.
The first stage of my reformation is the Crash Diet.It will be listed out in blog entries for the 7 days i intend to follow it.
Do check back everyday as i document my trials and tribulations.Oh and do wish me luck.With the deprived diet schedule i am following i need lots of it.
So i decided to give a attempt a Crash Course Diet.Its colloquially called the GM Diet although it bears no affiliation to the company of that name.Some prefer to call it the cabbage soup diet.The guaranteed weight loss is in the range of 4 to 10 kilos.I know this is unhealthy and unwise to follow and i also know that its gonna be a long long week but i plan to stick with it.Theres nothing like a good start and it would help the exercise regimen i plan to follow if i could make a real headstart.
In the event that you find this post deleted do understand that i fell for the temptation of a fleshy juicy beef sandwich or a tasty feast of maggi noodles or even a bowl of rice.
The amount of saliva dripping out of my mouth confirms that these sort of statements are really detrimental to my mental health.
So i plan to blog my struggle against the flab in incremental updates on my blog.I would have tweeted but then keeping mind off food requires a lot of effort and blogging seems the sane choice.Something to keep me from tearing open the snack packets in kitchen like a rabid dog.
The first stage of my reformation is the Crash Diet.It will be listed out in blog entries for the 7 days i intend to follow it.
Do check back everyday as i document my trials and tribulations.Oh and do wish me luck.With the deprived diet schedule i am following i need lots of it.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Random thoughts on a 2 km stretch
Going through Hosur road today morning evoked painful feelings.The first was a numbness in the back of neck that confirmed that sleep was achieved at a very heavy price and that for once instead of being a pain in the neck, i had one !
The next feeling was an awkward realisation that i had passed the Bomanahalli Bosch office.
I was always impressed by the blue monolith that towered over all that was around it and previously promptly found consciousness the bus reached the stretch on which it was the most prominent.
This time i was past that and for the first time a sharp pang passed through me as i watched the silk board flyover approach.My past and present was colliding in a split second that drew my attention to what was and what is.If i had not quit this would have been an exciting morning as i surveyed the prospect of a three day weekend.I would have probably gone home instead of arriving from it.The bitter taste lingering in my mouth was more than just the fact that i hadnt brushed my teeth.It was a more ominous taste.Introspection is dawning
From the day i have left life has gone from the tumultous rollercoaster ride it was to an unimpressive lazy river ride in those 3rd rate theme parks that have a lot of place and water to spare.You don't move forward too much and even if there are occasions when friends and family prod you to move further you find yourself staring most of the days at the foot of the bed wondering whether getting out of the bed would be any more productive than staying in it.
Life takes a stand still and you have difficult emotions rising to your chest that you do not wish to answer or acknowledge.
Is everything fine ? Was everything for the best ? Such questions rose in my head as we went up the flyover and my stomach churned as we went off the flyover.I do not have the answers yet.So far on the pro VS cons list has been even with the balance tilting ever so lightly each day.
In the end i realized that anything and everything can be made worthwhile .So as the scavenger auto drivers jousted each other for my bag i decided that i would make this weekend as fruitful as possible and end back home.
Note to self :
Must correct this later
Must spell check this later
Must make this a better post.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
The warning
Your bright eyes follow my every move
And I know you adore me
Every little thing I do
I see the wonder in them.
I know I am your hero,my dear
Though I would look ridiculous in tights
Your problem solver,your anchor of hope
The one who's brave enough to turn off the lights
But my sweetheart , I am not all that perfect
Don’t model your life after mine..
Coz I am filled with flaws I cant reject
So be whoever you want,just dont be me
Your daddy's the strongest that’s for sure
But I secretly know I cant hold my own in a fight
Your daddy's the bravest ;) yeah right
Even I get the jitters sometimes at night.
So my sweetheart , I am not all that great
I'm not brave enough to challenge fate
So realise it fast,before its too late
Do what your heart chooses,not mine.
I don’t know all the answers,
I wont be around all the time.
Just been around longer,my angel
That’s why I get around all the time…
Dear one,realise I am not smart
I sometimes bluff ;that’s not a good art
So make mistakes,learn life on your own
Don’t do things just coz I did them
Someday you will grow, and I will seem silly
You will know more,and I much less
Know that its part of life,and know this too
That I warned you this would happen
Remember too,to warn your lil ones
That this will happen to them as well
You too..could pen a lil poem or
Show mine and warn them as well!
Let me walk the ground again
Let me walk the ground again
You have lifted me up so high
That I'm one with all birds in the sky
I see them all by me ,eye to eye.
Let me walk the ground again
The ground's so far below me
The world is a multicolored porridge
Floating in the deep blue sea
Let me walk the ground again
My spirit soars high with me
As does the breeze,
I move like the wind, wherever I please.
Let me walk the ground again,
The pleasure is enthralling
The view equally astounding
And the comfort out of the world
But do let me walk the ground again.
The pleasure is great but I am afraid of the fall
I like the view but I feel too small
I enjoy the comfort but want none of it,at all
Truth be told,I rather be
With my feet in the ground
The wind in my face
And a song in my heart
I prefer abject reality in stark contrast
To all unimaginable pleasures that scarcely do last.
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