The warning

Your bright eyes follow my every move
And I know you adore me
Every little thing I do
I see the wonder in them.

I know I am your hero,my dear
Though I would look ridiculous in tights
Your problem solver,your anchor of hope
The one who's brave enough to turn off the lights

But my sweetheart , I am not all that perfect
Don’t model your life after mine..
Coz I am filled with flaws I cant reject
So be whoever you want,just dont be me

Your daddy's the strongest that’s for sure
But I secretly know I cant hold my own in a fight
Your daddy's the bravest ;) yeah right
Even I get the jitters sometimes at night.

So my sweetheart , I am not all that great
I'm not brave enough to challenge fate
So realise it fast,before its too late
Do what your heart chooses,not mine.

I don’t know all the answers,
I wont be around all the time.
Just been around longer,my angel
That’s why I get around all the time…

Dear one,realise I am not smart
I sometimes bluff ;that’s not a good art
So make mistakes,learn life on your own
Don’t do things just coz I did them

Someday you will grow, and I will seem silly
You will know more,and I much less
Know that its part of life,and know this too
That I warned you this would happen
Remember too,to warn your lil ones
That this will happen to them as well
You too..could pen a lil poem or
Show mine and warn them as well!

Let me walk the ground again

Let me walk the ground again
You have lifted me up so high
That I'm one with all birds in the sky
I see them all by me ,eye to eye.

Let me walk the ground again
The ground's so far below me
The world is a multicolored porridge
Floating in the deep blue sea

Let me walk the ground again
My spirit soars high with me
As does the breeze,
I move like the wind, wherever I please.

Let me walk the ground again,
The pleasure is enthralling
The view equally astounding
And the comfort out of the world

But do let me walk the ground again.
The pleasure is great but I am afraid of the fall
I like the view but I feel too small
I enjoy the comfort but want none of it,at all
Truth be told,I rather be
With my feet in the ground
The wind in my face
And a song in my heart
I prefer abject reality in stark contrast
To all unimaginable pleasures that scarcely do last.

The Husband speaks.

Tried to put myself in the shoes of a man who's wife has been away for days.the poem is the end result.Its half baked and i may modify it but its been like this only unchanged for 3 years so for now it goes on like this

Air thick,dusty and musty
the bread on the table crusty
the silence makes me feel wierd
Is this the loneliness i feared?

Goddamit the night is so long
the clock ticks loud and strong
but something surely aint right
Grrr i mutter and turn on the light

i get up and stumble on my shoe
look at the clock..its half past two
head straight to the wash basin
and grimace at the image i'm facing

When did i have my last shave ?
when did i last comb my hair?
my poor reflection,my unwilling slave
pityfully returns my irate stare

untended rooms and dirty dishes
some help one wishes
but untended all the chores remain
from such tedious efforts i refrain

So i head back to my makeshift bed
and lie with my hand on my head
Sleep i tell myself...go to sleep
picture the fence..count all the sheep

But the sleep evaded me throughout the night
the day came with its wonderful light
my tired face must have been some sight
cause u melted in my arms with a hug so tight

And there in your embrace i find my bliss
in ur eyes and within ur moist kiss
arm in arm we get in bed and yawn
and fall asleep right at the break of dawn

We'll wake up and get back to life
i'll be the messy husband and u my lovely wife
U do the dishes and i will help you too
Its just too boring to do without you

You are back where u belong
and i am too sure to be wrong
COZ without you my life would be in tatters
You are here and thats all that matters

(C) Akshay Sudhir

The Exile

This is a bitter poem,a self-defeating one where the protagonist finds himself on the verge of a self-imposed exileThis poem starts with a reference to Keat's tombstone.I've built this poem in an effort to highlight this.There are some vague references to me but that is for another post altogether.Of course ! Quite unlike the poem I don’t think people are sharpening their pitchforks
In happiness at me going away and I hope my name is not writ in water but writ on some pebbles treasured dearly :)

My identity is writ in water
An impediment to my lasting fame
For all the years hereafter
You wont remember my name

Coz when I melt into the shadows of obscurity
and I vanish from the light of day
You will find it easy to feign acquaintance
And hastily walk away

For too long my presence wasted
My absence looked for in glee
You wished I vanished forever
From the horizons you wanted to see

So I will be forgotten before the day is gone
I will be erased before the new dawn
Your will be done,just as you insist
I will forever cease to exist

And as the death knell sounds
Heralding that I've finally been swept away
The world will wake to a beautiful morning
With me far far way !

(C) Akshay Sudhir

What life boils down to !

Its eerie,how our mind is able to correlate seemingly unrelated incidents by finding underlying patterns that inexplicably bind them together.As i write this,i am nursing my inflamed jaw with a crude hanky-ice-pack.4 cubes of ice,one really wet handkerchief,one aching jaw and a lot of free time to think are the essential ingredients to this post.
Yesterday morn i woke up as i have done for the last couple of weeks, grouchy and tired only to find a new nagging additional pain, a small boil hidden in the thin stubble that is my 1 week beard.
It was small,it didn't hurt much and i could have very well left it alone but no. My pesky fingers found it hard to resist the compulsion to squeeze the little boil and drain its vile contents.
So without further gross details,that's exactly what i did.

Over the course of the day,it started to ache more and more with ever increasing intensity,that i decided to attempt the same process several times.By the time it was nightfall i could feel one side of the face sag,my mouth refusing to open wide enough to admit the morsels of tasty food i wanted to devour and a numbing pain thats spread throughout one side of my face.
Today morning after yet another fight for slumber,i awoke to see what clearly Rocky Balboa's face might have looked after the first punch and the pain is unbearable to say the very least.

Now i could have very well let it go on the first notice of it but i didnt.I chose to fight it,taunt it,correct it till the small boil on my face has started to look like an entire face on its own.
So now i come to the interesting part on how this applies to life and its various nuances.

There are problems in life,that arent meant to be solved.There are no good fixes for them,there are no good amicable solutions.An attempt to solve the problem only aggravates the situation.
Such problems do not warrant understanding and most of the time they are born out of the silliest reasons.The only medicine for them is time.

Time may prove that all things vile may eventually accumlate into a single contigous mass that
can be easily cast away or that the problems like a dying fire finding no fuel to survive on, just die and wither away much like the inevitable fate of my boil.The more i try to fix it with my crude means the greater the chance that i might find myself under the scapel of a really unfortunate doctor.

Of course, you could have asked me why i didn't apply some cream in the first place.Well the answer is, I just didn't think it would amount to so much trouble but be sure the next time this happens I probably be right in front of the mirror applying that much needed cream.

So for now i've left the wound to heal on its own sweet will (And i am taking some antibiotics ;) )
Lets hope my face is in a presentable shape when monday comes.

Dog Gone !

Deeps and Nishmi bought a mutt a year back.The purchase of the pup was marked by several practical objections that i put across but there were shot down instantaneously.So we made the long journey to this place by the lake where they have dogs and cats and birds...well you get the picture.Out came in the arms of one of the boys there a lil ball of brown fur,eyes shut tight ,that snuggled lovingly in their arms.The lil pup initially would not even bark or whine and going by all the text book knowledge i had about dogs, i quite expected it to.
And it did and how ! The days that followed showed the metamorphosis of that quite innocent baby into the loudest voice in our block,each bark ringing true and clear into my little cube,i call my room.And boy did those girls struggle.The walls are in a state of perpetual erosion,cement being a frequent component in his everyday diet.The floors smelt of Lysol all the time as the dog still his bathroom is their living room.And my hand well,A scratching tool for his stomach or the chewie when he is bored.
I thought,maybe this is how my parents felt growing me up.What was a pretty little baby turned out into something of the same noisy brat this dog has turned out to be.Every day he grows more and more out of control,demanding more attention and rebuking us in all the dog slang's he's picked up over the last months.
But there is something about having an excited yip and a prance when the door opens.There is a tug at the heart when each tiny gesture to him would bring a booty shake from him (He does not have a tail,so he shakes his butt like hell).And best of all, as i found out recently,talking him for a walk when you don't have an apparent destination or need to be on the road,is the best way to relax.Being dragged by him to see the sights and sounds of the city has been one of the best things that has happened to me in weeks.
Its strange,the amount a dog gives you in return for the two square meals you give it in a day.
The love it pours out unconditionally on your feet,while it sniffs the air around you in expectant pleasure.Its the most pure form of love (and hero worship) you can get and i am eternally grateful to him :)

The edge

My mind is an asylum for tortured thoughts and devious designs.So this poem must be the love child of the above mentioned conniving hoodlums lurking in the dark and disturbing recesses of my mind.On the face of it..or rather phrase of it,this is a simple poem of a man at the edge of a cliff willing his beloved (who btw does not echo the same feelings) to commit the crime of passion that she wishes.Look deeper, dear readers for the metaphors if you please :)

At the edge of the cliff,my back against the sea
Night silent but turbulence in you and me
With the tide low and stars meek in the sky
the arena is set as time creeps by

Your eyes harsh and accusing,the wind in your tresses
A harsh wind that mocks with each of its caresses
Tension builds up with each passing gust
As we draw to the end as we inevitably must.

Gravity comes calling,as my feet grit dust
that gently hovers down in the sweeping breeze
Moving in which ever way they please
but surely down to where the waves kisses the beach

So we've come this far,lets get it over with
lets whats to be done,be over and dealt with
No more remonstrations,no more reproaches
Hark ! i hear death's stealthy approaches

But no i will not now heed its call
Not because its my wish to stall
the inevitable,the irrevocable fate
No,I wish to be delivered by your hate

The gust that blows,the gravity that does beckon
shall not be stained by my demise
For all your hate that's manifest i reckon
its your hands that must pay that price

My end is nigh,come hither and be
the executioner you were meant to be
The time is up and i wish to be gone
Come finish the deed before its morn'

You shall have your vengeance,for which you lust
but you should send me down with all the dust
I shall be gone,but know this you must,
that will happen only upon your inevitable thrust.

Akshay Sudhir

Happy New Year !

I received quite a few forwarded new year greetings so i decided to do something special for the people i know.It isn't much but I sent the below lines around as my New Year Wishes.So for all the readers of my blog,here goes.

For the year gone I am grateful
For all things happy and fateful.
For wisdom I hope I gained
And for friends that have remained

For the roof above my head
For my job that I still keep
For that money in my purse
And the peace when I sleep

For the love I got
For all the fun I had
For the insults I conveniently forgot
For all compliments (though not a lot!)

So as the year draws to a close
All that’s left I suppose
Is to wish all friends of mine
HAVE A GREAT 2009 !

My Rave Party

The year 2008 has gone by but most of us aren't really rejoicing. People are bracing themselves for 2009 ,a year that would test the will and strength of people,families and nations. In my rather dim pessimistic view 2008 was more like a teenager struck by the onset of puberty ending up awkward ungainly and gawky. There were those sudden spurts of growth, the temper tantrums, the quiet realizations, hostility and un-diluted joy that makes the most endearing kid into the most trying teen .So while the year and the world grew up around us , I would like to point out some of the things that I heard,seen,repeated,hated and raved about in 2008 (Of course from a localized polar Indian point of view)

1) The Bull Run and The IPO : initial public offering (Initially people optimistic)

Yes the year 2008 initially outlined the most impressive growth in the Stock Exchanges. It was more of a Bull run than a stampede and everybody (your truly included) became overnight stock market pundits and punters. I did what most stock brokers would called rookie mistakes. I purchased stocks at random," averaged" out at every market low and purchased even more. I knew more stock names than my own family members and lunch with colleagues was more or less on the same lines as the televised debates on NDTV Profit. I siphoned my salary to the stock market and watched with glee at every increase in my UNREALIZED profits. I not only counted my chicks before they hatched but also named them and started nurseries for them. Through all the stock market knowledge I amassed, I learned 2008's most popular 3 letter acronym, IPO .It sounds almost holy,intial public offering and it was crazy. Big companies putting their IPO ads on everything from toilet paper to airdropped fliers. Reliance power, a company primarily on paper managed to get oversubscribed many times over. Friends borrowed cash, People pledged gold in the fevered hope of making a killing in the market and what a killing it was. From the day the stock released into the market the value tumbled, the market stumbled and so many thousands left with a fraction of their initial investment.The IPO fad was as short-lived as Britney Spear's marriages and left so many poorer and hopefully wiser. The Bull Stampede also suffered from the same crippling reality. From dizzying heights of 22 k the sensex nose dived wiping out trillions from hapless traders. To rookie traders like me it was nothing short of rape and from a stomping bull I've turned into a abused cow chewing the cud of reality (I agree,an unbelievable metaphor).

2) Tea Twenty and Money a-Plenty . The IPL,T20 Saga.

Somewhere some "scientist" conducted several studies and concluded that instead of an hour long romp in the bed, the most effective love making session should be one that lasts in the range of 8 to 13 minutes. At this I am sure several men would have puffed their chests in pride (at being within the CUT-OFF )and pointed this article out to their dissatisfied counterparts This study seems to have touched cricket as well. Convinced that the general public sentiment favours quickies of 20 overs in place of the classic fore-play ridden convenient one-dayers and test matches ,Crickets supreme authority fathered the T20 or 20-20 as some prefer to call it.20 overs of lusty hits and fist pumping action,coupled with bikini clad women with impressive pom-poms.It was not really destined to become a great success but that was until we won it.Yes it was amazing Sreesanth,Yuvraaj, Joginder Sharma,Dhoni ; all of them pulled off something extraordinary that sits alongside the 83 world cup and 47 independence.But what followed wasn’t really that magical.First there came the ICL fathered by the ZEE network.Then BCCI came forward,declard ICL an illegitimate heir to its cricketing fortunes and produced its own offspring -the IPL.Then came the horse-trading,the bans on rebel players,the celebrity purchases,the outrageous price tags attached to the players and an orgy of super quick cricket featuring ridicously silly team names (Kolkata Knight Riders ??),ugly cricketing apparel (Pink and Gold - Really ?),irritating ad jingles (Shah rukh dancing to a bengali song) and controversies.A player hits a six and the camera pans to the bollywood click waving the flags and pumping fists.Movie stars sitting with the team,hugging them ,giving interviews and thus the unholy marriage of cricket and bollywood was official.The IPL soap opera was a script Ekta kapoor can only fantasize off.Movie stars jumping in stadium stands,cricketers slapping each other,celebrity battles with cricketers,leaked sms's and the like.With each match lasting the length of a Government office tea break,the real loser was cricket as it suffered from over exposure and crass commercialisation."Too much of a good thing" is a phrase they should have realised long time ago.

3) Maa ki Monkey.

Ok Racial abuse is vile and detestful but its quite funny when the class bully runs to the teacher with a stubbed finger crying "He did it".The harbhajan-symonds affair oddly enough ruffled so many feathers that in the end you have to ask yourself, Where do you draw the line.Cricket though a gentlemans's game has always been punctuated with the odd expletive or two . From bowlers silently mouthing four letter expletives on being thrashed for runs to cricket players gathering around the stump microphone and letting the odd one slip out much to commentator chargrin.Youtube is full off the behind the scenes action showcasingthe name calling that occurs while we are busy watching the commercials.So colourful language is more or less a mainstay of colorful cricket.So was the maa-ki monkey controversy really worth all the media time ? If you are prepared to throw your fist around at others you must be prepared to taste some of your own medicine no matter how foul it sounds .

4) Big Bother Shetty.

So Shilpa shetty tired of shaking her hips to forgetful item songs and "acting" in forgettable movies decided to make her international foray into the world of Reality TV.She should have expected the abuses and we should have anticipated the tears.While the media woke up to the blunt racial abuse she received for a day (conveniently forgeting the scores who put up with this in everyday life) the poor Ms Shetty became the media's "Goody-Two-Shoes" (pun intended).So she won the contest,multiple movie contracts received several accolades and even several kisses of an Aging gentleman.The lady has gone ahead making a mockery of all the hue and cry raised against prompting the question.Why was there all the drama in the first place?

5) Sub Primal Fears.

I have detailed this in an earlier post but for those unwilling to read that ,here is an outline story.

Sub-Prime Crisis -> Market Crash -> Chaper 11 Bankrupty -> Bailout Packages -> Recession -> Pink Slips -> Screwed !

6) The Coloured US President

Like the fate of the whole world depended on it,we watched the confident Mr Obama,the cunning Ms Clinton,the absurd hockey-mom Sarah Palin and the severely damaged John Mc-Cain.The US presidential election that gobbled billions of tax payer money and hours of prime time television was perhaps the best thing the US government has given us this year.Lets see what a Lil colour does to the White house (Soon to be renamed as Caucasian House).

7) The Indian Movie.

Yes folks its not a movie any more,its an exercise in PR.With big companies producing the big banner movies and allocation a generous fraction of the film's budget to its media propagation this shouldn't really be surprising.So now we have "superstars" running marathons,signing books,giving parties,cutting hair,blogging,painting portraits,hugging anyone within arm's reach.That all apart from the media headlines (Breaking news :Star X has a mole on left butt cheek),the interviews,the TV shows hosted and the numerous products ranging from deodorants to jets.Let the story be contrived and trash,inspired from Popular Hollywood blockbusters (Read : copied).It doesn’t matter.So the script writer of a Bruce Almighty rip-off religiously swears that the script was his own brain-child and the actors promote it heavily as well.They rake in the moolah that’s for sure but I would love it if they don’t hijack the media so much at release time.

8) The Indian Reviewer.

CNN IBN I think started this trend.Have a movie reviewer with a sufficient vocabulary and necessary sarcasm lamblast a movie on release day.Its a guilty pleasure watching some poor director's ill advised venture be verbally stripped down with intellect and wit.Like all good things its now become a widespread concept.Online movie reviewers use their bits and bytes to the same effect and reception.While its really nice to know if the movie is worth it or not, this must surely come as a rude shock and a bitter pill to swallow for the ones funding this movie ventures.Its alright as long as the view points are unbiased because I am pretty sure soon these celebrity reviewers would be getting a star's salary for a more mellowed review with better star's

9) Terror attacks

The year through we have seen an escalation of those cowardly acts of Terror in India and the world around.Senseless fanatics brainwash impressionable youth to pull off dastardly acts against innocent people.All this in the name of religion,land and god.It takes a few seconds to destroy centuries of Good Will and such acts only increase the bias against religion and division on lines of faith.Hopefully this will all reduce in the years to come and we learn to be more tolerant and understanding but the chances are pretty slim for that. Probably the list is hardly relevant,incomplete and irresponsibly written (you have my apologies) but these were the things that I thought made headlines(sometimes unnecessarily).Do let me know if I have missed out something significant or merely ranted about something insignificant.Oh and among other things.

Wish you a Happy New year.Have a great 2009.